


You Are My Only Future

by buttless



Category: Loveless
Genre: !older, Age Difference, Canon Compliant, M/M, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 04:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6500077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttless/pseuds/buttless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short multichapter-oneshots that tell the story about Ritsuka and Soubi when they are older, Ritsuka is just entering college. Romantic themes, and a simple look at their life and love together. Ritsuka is 18, Soubi 26.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home Means Seeing You

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: I am just transferring this over from my ff.net account. Maybe tweaking a few things.  
> *Warning, that in this fic Ritsuka lost his ears at 17 before the age of consent.*  
> I hope you enjoy! I was delighted to rediscover this and surprised that I still was fond of it after all of these years. (5!) Feedback of any kind is very appreciated!

"Soubi," Ritsuka called as he walked into the apartment, the same apartment he had always been going to for so many years. He had to duck a bit going through the sloped entryway.

"Ah!" The taller blond man walked over to the door from where he had been sitting. "Ritsuka, welcome back." His face lit up as soon as he saw the teen.

Ritsuka shuffled into the apartment, door closing behind him. He bent over to take his shoes off while responding to Soubi. He grumbled, "Mmn, I'm back." 

Soubi came up behind him, giving him an awkward bent-over embrace, draping his body over Ritsuka's and giving him a tight squeeze.

"Sou.. You could wait. Like just a moment," the teen complained at him as he slipped the second shoe off his foot and onto the mat, struggling to keep his balance.

"But I'm so happy to see Ritsuka. You're such a grown up college student now." Soubi allowed Ritsuka to slip a backpack off of his, now broader, shoulders before hugging him again.

"Oh," Ritsuka replied as he laced his arms around Soubi's back loosely. "So you weren't happy to see me when I was just a little highschooler."

Soubi pouted.

"When Ritsuka was younger…" He stared at the boy dreamily.

Ritsuka scowled and turned his head away, knowing just what Soubi was thinking about. He blushed.

Soubi ruffled the hair on Ritsuka's head. No ears met with his fingers. He scratched the spot where they used to be anyway. It still felt good, to Ritsuka.

"Ugh! Soubi!" Ritsuka pushed past the man and sat on the couch.

Soubi followed him and walked behind the furniture piece. He gently slipped the hair tie out of Ritsuka's hair. Releasing the short ponytail, half the length of his own.

"I thought," Soubi mused, "you always said I looked stupid with my hair tied up." 

"You always look stupid, Stupid!" Ritsuka retaliated. It was a lie. Soubi was the most beautiful person there was to him.

Ritsuka's hair fell down and the tips brushed against his shoulders and collar bone.

Soubi smiled airily knowing Ritsuka hadn't meant it.

"People'd think I'm sloppy or girly if let I down," Ritsuka explained. He closed his eyes with light sigh and leaned against the couch.

Soubi bent over and draped his arms around Ritsuka from behind. He played with the strands of dark hair.

"So then.. you think I look sloppy and girly?" Soubi asked innocently with a smirk.

"N-No! …I mean... Soubi! What kind of girl would be such a giant as you?" Ritsuka tried covering up his real opinions out of embarrassment. He still had a height complex even though he wasn't much shorter than Soubi now.

"A sloppy one," Soubi said.

"Oh shut up!"

"Is it because Yuiko told you to get a haircut, thinking you were just neglecting it carelessly?" Soubi asked a bit deviously.

"T-that was just a mistake! She took it back once I told her I meant it to be this length. It doesn't matter!" Ritsuka was blushing again.

Soubi smiled and kissed the red cheeks as he stood up. "I would love Ritsuka even if he was bald."

Ritsuka slumped into the chair. "Shut up, Idiot."


	2. Meeting You Like Always

Ritsuka walked out of his university, longer strands of hair loosely tied in a short bobbing tail, searching for Soubi. The day before, his third day at university, had gone as follows:

_"Ritsuka." Soubi's face glowed. "Have you thought about it much?"_

_"Huh?" Ritsuka looked up from the large volume of literature he was pouring over. "Yeah, you can just make whatever you want for dinner."_

_Soubi face fell, just slightly. "Okay. But tomorrow. Can I come pick you up from University? You used to let me at the other schools." He spoke as if it was a forbidden privilege._

_Ritsuka, now glaring at the page in his book, was really stuck over this one sentence, if he only could just remember what that one word meant. He was sure he forgot its meaning all the time. 'Damn, I'll have to get up and fetch a dictionary now.' He realized Soubi was speaking to him again. "Sure, sure Soubi if you want to." Damn, Ritsuka felt bad, ignoring Soubi like that. The least he could do was agree to whatever the man had said. 'Something about dinner again maybe?'_

_"Great." He beamed. "Would you like help with that, Ritsuka? I know it, I'll explain it to you._

So now, after being reminded during lunch break via text, Soubi had come to wait at the gates of Ritsuka's school. Just like always. Ritsuka saw him from a few yards away, leaning against a nearby building. Ritsuka's eyes and memory deceived him, remembering Soubi smoking in such a similar spot, waiting for him in middle school. He finally had quit though, and on his own initiative. Ritsuka never liked it but hated the thought of ordering Soubi to give it up, afraid of how quickly Soubi might react to such a request.

Looking at Soubi now Ritsuka couldn't help but think. 'He looks nice and peaceful like that...' He nearly blushed over his own thoughts.

"Senpai!" Ritsuka heard a girl nearby call. The campus was always rowdy, bustling with activity. The girl was running up behind Ritsuka with her wavy hair bouncing around in her trail. "Aoyagi-senpai!"

'Eh? Me?' Ritsuka turned around, surprised. The girl caught up with him. Ritsuka realized she looked familiar. "Ah.." He couldn't remember her name.

"Miura, it's Miura. From Advanced Lit," She explained, not at all shamed about having to introduce herself again.

"Right, Miura-san." Ritsuka glanced behind him at where Soubi was standing. "Sorry about that. I didn't notice you were calling me. I mean... I'm not your upperclassman." Ritsuka was pretty embarrassed to have to say this. "You're mine... I'm a first year student… just taking Advanced Literature class."

She smiled nevertheless at her mistake. "Ooooh, haha."

'Nothing, nothing seems to shake this girl. She's so carefree,' Ritsuka thought.

"Well, any way Sen- ah Aoyagi-san, would you... like to study together for the test tomorrow? I'd love to spend some time with you!" She was beaming and had been since the conversation started.

"Ah.. study together. Well that is... Today…" Ritsuka began to fidget a bit.

"Oh you're so smart senpai, I guess you don't need to study at all. We could just go get a bite, or something to drink, then?" Miura bobbed her head a bit when she talked. She was saying 'senpai' again.

'Drinks.. together.. This girl. She's asking me on a …date, then?' Ritsuka had only ever gone on dates with Soubi and those usually included or ended with kissing. As much as he hated to admit it Ritsuka wasn't exactly keen on doing either of those things with anyone who wasn't Soubi.

"No.. I do. Need to study, I mean. …It's just…." He trailed off unsure of how to continue. 'What happened to the confident, sure of himself me? It's Soubi's fault I'm like this I'll bet.' Ritsuka didn't want to agree to spend time with this girl and break off the meeting Soubi had gone so far as to beg for. But.. he did want to get to know some people in his classes more. He wanted to make some friends.

"You should go." 

Ritsuka spun around. That deep voice hadn't been Miura's.

Soubi smiled politely.

'Jeeze! What's he doing sneaking up behind me! Not to mention eavesdropping...' Ritsuka's thoughts grumbled.

Miura smiled at Soubi. "Ah! Who's this, Senpai?"

Soubi held in a chuckle. He knew Ritsuka wasn't anyone's elder, and could tell it was beginning to irritate the boy.

"I'm Ritsuka's," Soubi responded simply.

Miura looked a bit puzzled. She turned to Ritsuka when it seemed clear Soubi wasn't going to say more. "He's your ...what…?"

Ritsuka scowled. 'That idiot.'

"He's my.." Ritsuka fumbled for an accurate word. "Ehh.. My friend." Ritsuka said. 'Or something.' He thought in turn.

"Something like that." Soubi agreed. Saying Ritsuka's exact thoughts. Ritsuka blushed.

"Ah! Well, it's very nice to meet you," Miura greeted.

Soubi bowed his head in response. He urged Ritsuka to go.

Ritsuka departed to hopefully gain a new friend and Soubi headed home, alone, to make dinner. He hoped that, maybe Ritsuka would be back by then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini Sequel next time-


	3. I Always Prefer Meeting You

"Soubi, I'm back." Ritsuka walked in the apartment door and noticed Soubi cooking.

Soubi smiled. "Ritsuka, I wasn't expecting you to be here so early." He had only hoped.

"Soubi.. I'm sorry about that. I'll make it up to you, I promise," Ritsuka said as he leaned over a pot to sniff its contents. "Mmn. Smells good." Strong arms wrapped around Ritsuka's waist. Kisses adorned his neck.

"How was it?" Soubi asked, genuinely curious.

Ritsuka leaned into the lips on his neck. "Mmn, well it was.."

Ritsuka turned his body and kissed Soubi.

"Not as good as this."


	4. Little Lies

"Ritsuka." Soubi shook him. "Ritsuka, wake up please." Soubi kissed him.

Ritsuka didn't wake up.

Soubi frowned. "Ritsuka, school," he insisted.

"Hmmn. Soubi?" Ritsuka's eyes opened a little. He fidgeted in the bed and stretched. Arching his back underneath the thin sheet. Soubi was leaning over top of him. Ritsuka put a hand on Soubi's cheek and Soubi bent down to kiss him again.

It was his fifth day of college. The fifth day Ritsuka had woken up in Soubi's bed before going to the university. 'Beautiful,' Ritsuka thought.

"I want to stay here.. with you," he said.

Soubi smiled and kissed him again. Ritsuka had 'moved in' six days ago. Except it wasn't exactly moving considering he had been more at home at Soubi's place than his own for quite a while. The thing was, Ritsuka never moved out of home earlier because of his mother. Even now he still planned to visit her once and a while. He didn't want to leave her alone. But then, he ended up moving out because... she had done the strangest thing. She begged him.

_"Ritsuka please!" The voice screamed at him. Pleading and pleading._

_"No! I won't leave you alone, Mother! How could you possibly wish for that emptiness?" Tears streamed down the faces of both the mother and son._

_"I ke-keep hurting Ritsuka! He is! He is Ritsuka!"_

_Ritsuka could sense that she was fighting some unbearable pain. 'M-My.. My presence is hurting her..'_

_"Mother.." he whispered. "I'll always come back."_

The year previous Ritsuka had started to work a 'part time job.' Not actually a job, he would just tell his mother he was going to work, then go to Soubi's to spend more time with him. That 'job' was Soubi's idea of an excuse to get Ritsuka to be with him rather than at home, where his mother was still uncontrollably abusing him. Ritsuka didn't mind, he liked being with Soubi more often, as long as he could still go back, to Mother. Now, he had 'rented an apartment.'

'God, Soubi's ideas are ridiculous,' he thought to himself so often.

The so called 'apartment' he 'rented' well.. it was an apartment per say but he hadn't rented it. He stayed with Soubi and the only payment he made was his company. Ritsuka didn't like lying to his mother at all, it was just shameful. But, he knew, it was only to put her at ease. Countless times he had wanted to introduce Soubi into his shambles of a family. It never seemed like it would work out.

Now Ritsuka was older. He spent many of his nights with the person he loved to be with most and days with the books he loved most, with nothing getting in his way. Except the foreboding prospect of getting out of bed, that is.


	5. Teasing and Treasured Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this one is so sappy I want to puke wasn't sure if I would include it in this update but here we are..

"Soubi." Ritsuka seemed a little annoyed.

"Yes?"

"Why," Ritsuka asked accusatorially, "did Youji and Natsuo show up during my break today?"

Soubi set down his pencil. He said nothing, observing the anger growing on Ritsuka's face. 

Ritsuka grew impatient fast. "Well?" he demanded.

Soubi sighed. "Some papers were left out." He avoided saying Ritsuka was the one who left them out. "The Zeros caught sight of them and figured out where you were going to school. Did you have a good time together?" He quickly added, he could tell by the look on Ritsuka's face that they probably hadn't.

The Zeros had moved out of Soubi's apartment, mostly because Soubi felt that everyone needed a little more privacy and space. Mainly he and Ritsuka. Natsuo seemed to agree on that, Youji was fine with whatever as long as he could be with Natsuo. Actually, Youji had wanted them all to live together but Soubi's current apartment wasn't really an appropriate size for that.

"They just marched into the building, Soubi! I think they put a spell on the guards!" Ritsuka yelled.

"Those two are quite careless," Soubi commented. Airy as usually, pretending not to see the issue. "Did they cause you any trouble?"

Ritsuka frowned, his cheeks grew a bit pink. Soubi was sitting next to him on the bed, Ritsuka leaned his body over and laid on Soubi's lap. Soubi ran his fingers through the loose, soft hair.

Ritsuka didn't seem to want to say anymore, he just played there in silence. Soubi was beginning to assume the subject was closed but, after a while Ritsuka continued, quietly. "My ears.."

Soubi smiled down softly. 'Beautiful.' He tugged playfully at Ritsuka's earlobe. "What ears?" he asked with a chuckle through his breath.

Ritsuka blushed deeper. "Soubi… the ones th-the ones I gave to you."

"I would never forget." 

"S-so… Youji, Youji and Natsuo were yelling about my ears around school. And you know how they are always calling my by m-my true name and stuff..." Ritsuka shivered and let out a breath. He rolled over and buried his face in Soubi's leg. "They just.. y'know teased me and stuff."

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Ritsuka. It's not as if they haven't lost theirs," Soubi supplied.

"That not it!" Ritsuka sat up and looked Soubi in the eyes. "I'd never be embarrassed or regret that!"

Soubi smiled. 'So sweet.' He rubbed his thumb along Ritsuka's cheek. "I'm glad."

Soubi paused and cocked his head a bit. "Then why did they upset you so much?"

"T-they're annoying an..and all. Just saying unnecessary stuff way too loudly. I don't think they get how.. how.." Ritsuka couldn't describe it in any way. He was positive Soubi would laugh or mock him if he said 'precious', 'beautiful', or 'special', right? "how it is.. to us…"

Soubi hugged him tight, thinking the Zeros probably did understand at least a little. He whispered in Ritsuka's ear, "Precious, right?"


	6. What was Mine is Yours, Again and Again

"Soubi! I'm going now," Ritsuka yelled out into the apartment. He stood next to the door, ready to leave.

"Wait!" Soubi called back. Somehow he was hidden from view in the small room.

Ritsuka huffed impatiently.

Soubi emerged from the bath. He quickly brushed the curtain aside and walked out into the room. He was just about dripping wet and was only covered by a small towel. His skin and hair shone, damp with water.

"Sou…" Ritsuka blushed and looked down at the floor.

Soubi chuckled blithely. He walked over and tilted Rituska's chin back up. He was careful not to get the boy wet. Soubi slowly kissed him goodbye, he made Ritsuka promise to be safe.

"Of course," Ritsuka responded. "Don't worry so much, nothing bad will happen."

Soubi still looked worried. Ritsuka was going back home to visit his mother briefly. Misaki seemed to be slowly regaining control of herself but Soubi didn't want the boy to go back there at all. With any luck, having done nothing wrong, Ritsuka would be spared from her hand. "Your ears?" he asked.

"Do I have to? Mom'll understand… besides I'm older now, lots of people my age don't have any." Ritsuka pouted at the prospect of donning fake kitten ears.

Soubi frowned. "I don't want to risk her hurting you over it." Soubi rubbed his fingers over the contours of Ritsuka's jaw. "Besides it looks cute."

Ritsuka scowled and sighed. He gave in. "Fine," he said begrudgingly. He felt like putting them on would make it seem like he was ashamed of giving his ears to Soubi or regretted it. He didn't feel like that at all, he never had. He never would. Ritsuka reached into his bag and pulled out the fake clip-ons.

"But you have to take them off again, Soubi."


	7. Work Leaves us Alone

"Goodbye, Sou. I'm heading out to school now," Ritsuka whispered before leaving the apartment.

Often times Soubi would walk Ritsuka to school, so that Ritsuka needn't walk alone. Today Ritsuka did walk out the door alone. Soubi lay in bed alone. He pressed his palm against the spot on his forehead where Ritsuka had left him with a warm, chaste kiss.

He groaned. Soubi realized sleep was no longer forthcoming for him, not without Ritsuka to cuddle. He was cold.

He had stayed up most of the night before. Soubi was not attending school anymore but he still had plenty of paintings to work on. He still waited until the very end to finish them.

Soubi grabbed a sweater and pulled it on. It was a gift from Ritsuka, he recalled as he slipped arms through sleeves. A very soft v-neck that Soubi enjoyed wearing. It was warm, too, but not as warm as Ritsuka. Still, Ritsuka must have had it on recently at some point. It smelled like him. Soubi savored the smell and sleepily grumbled as he made coffee.

His project leaned against the wall, waiting to be delivered. He noticed it as he sat down with his mug and dissected it visually. Steam swirled from the bitter brew he held. The project was four canvases that displayed a meadow of flowers when hung together properly. If it was hung in the wrong directions it would be a useless, ugly, jumble. He had checked.

Soubi's projects now, like this recent one, were free-lance art. He had even become quite well known for it. People would come to him with a request for their home, office or store and he would paint them a picture. He delivered it on time and they paid him. He had a lot of customers lately, but he never took so many requests that it would interfere with his time with Ritsuka. Some of the potential customers, on the other hand, opted not to hire Soubi when they discovered his hostile temperament. Most, though, didn't care as long as they got the art.

It was a job Soubi liked, he could paint and most people gave his a pretty wide berth of subject as they liked his style. Ritsuka was glad with the job too, he would take photos of each project even though Soubi told him it wasn't necessary. Ritsuka just wanted to be able to look at everything Soubi made.

So, after zoning out for quite some time Soubi rose. He threw some more clothes on as he gathered his paintings. He scribbled down a note.

Soubi walked out the door, alone. He still had Ritsuka in his thoughts and heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel next time-


	8. Not always Alone

'The lectures, the endless lectures..' Ritsuka sighed as he fidgeted in his seat. He sat in a large classroom. Feeling lonely, even though the room was crowded. He was thinking about how he wished he could've given Soubi a proper goodbye that morning.

His professor called on Ritsuka, he liked to ask questions throughout his lecture at random. Ritsuka figured he enjoyed seeing the panic in someone's face when they realized they had no clue what the answer was. Somehow Ritsuka got safely through these attacks. If fact, all his grades were good. The class he was currently in was reviewing background facts for the book they were about to read and later analyze, Ritsuka was nearly finished with the book.

The only class Ritsuka really had problems with was math and Soubi always readily helped him out. 

Ritsuka fidgeted again as he sat back down. He wanted to get out, now. He wanted to go home and see Soubi. Ritsuka even referred to Soubi's apartment as their home now. In the past, he recalled, Ritsuka would accidentally say something like 'let's go home' when referring to Soubi's place. He would blush an incredible shade of red. Now Ritsuka always referred to it as home. Home, that's what it was.

Ritsuka was tired, he had stayed up some of the night to watch Soubi paint. There were few times that Soubi looked more dazzling than when he painted. Knowing that's how everyone in Soubi's college used to see him every day made Ritsuka belatedly jealous. 

Finally class had run its course and Ritsuka was free to go back to Soubi. But when he got to the school gates he knew something wasn't right. Soubi wasn't there. Of course the man hadn't taken him that morning but Ritsuka expected he would be here now. Soubi acted like an excited child about this stuff, he loved walking home with Rituska. Ritsuka sighed and walked back, alone.

Finally he trudged up the steps and faced the door that he expected Soubi to be behind. He inserted the key and turned the lock. "Soubi! I'm ba-" Ritsuka stopped. No one was there.

He got inside and looked around for signs of Soubi. He checked his phone. Dead.

"Auurg!" He moaned. He could just imagine Soubi coming up behind him and teasing him for the strange noise, then hugging him. It didn't happen.

Eventually Ritsuka spotted a note on the fridge.

'Ritsuka- Gone to deliver the painting, I'll be back soon. Love you.'

Ritsuka sighed and stomped across the room to plug in his cell. The 'Love you' at the end of the message provided him with a small amount of consolation. He didn't mind Soubi being away if it were for something important like that but still… he missed him so much today.

Ritsuka threw his body onto the bed they shared and buried his face in the covers. They smelled like Soubi. 'Well, actually..' Ritsuka rationalized. 'They probably smell like us both. All I can smell is Soubi. I wonder if he smells me.' Ritsuka crinkled his nose at the thought. Hoping he didn't smell bad. Soubi always smelled nice.

Ritsuka's mind juggled around. He didn't want to do anything but be with Soubi. To talk to Soubi, spend time with him, do things with him, hold him. To love Soubi. He knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else. 'Soubi..'

After some time Ritsuka was getting impatient with wondering when Soubi would be back. He went to check his phone but before he even got to the messages he spotted the charger the was plugged into the wall next to his. Soubi's charger. With the phone attached and everything. He cursed the man's stupidity.

Ritsuka flopped himself back into the bed and crawled under the covers on the side Soubi usually used. He drifted to sleep quickly, exhausted from the slow day at school, and the late night before.

When his eyes fluttered open he was in Soubi's strong arms. 

"Soubi.. You're back." Ritsuka mumbled, slowly waking up.

Soubi's eyes twinkled at the boy and he apologized. He had to stay longer than he expected. Soubi nuzzled into Ritsuka's shoulder and neck.

"Ritsuka, you smell so nice.." He smiled and kissed the boy as Ritsuka blushed. He was glad the wait was over.


	9. Why is it Me for You?

Ritsuka discerned the following pertaining to Soubi: In his adult life (being older not earless) Soubi had known of no other life but Seimei and Ritsuka. Seimei then. Ritsuka now.

Ritsuka stomped into the apartment with that in his mind.

Soubi's face lit up when he saw Ritsuka. He set his paint brush into a cup and stood. "Hello, Ritsuka. I've missed you."

'He's so cute,' Ritsuka thought. He had learned that love could make even a grown man seem adorable. 'Beautiful.' But his feelings were dark. 'Why me? I can't truly be the only one for him to love… The one he really loves.'

"Hi," Ritsuka greeted dully after a pause.

Soubi came closer. Searching out a hug. He was covered in paint, so he settled for kissing Ritsuka's cheek.

Ritsuka turned his head away. Receiving but not accepting the kiss. He faced his body away.

Concern settled on Soubi's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He was grumbling.

"Ritsuka," Soubi's voice frowned in response. He wiped his hands off onto his pants, then lightly grabbed Ritsuka's shoulders. Clearly meaning, 'Please turn around.'

Ritsuka felt the warm touch of a person that really shouldn't be loving him. A person who shouldn't care about him. "Don't touch me!" he yelled. He pushed away from the man, and Soubi immediately took a step back. Ritsuka was torn. He loved Soubi, he wanted Soubi's love. Wasn't that selfish? Soubi was just being an idiot.

"I love you," Soubi supplied, questioning Ritsuka's order and offering his peace.

Ritsuka yelled, "You idiot!" He didn't want to see Soubi anymore. He also wanted to just jump into Soubi's arms. "You shouldn't! How could you know you'd rather love me? You've never known anyone else to say it! You've always just revolved around me! You aren't happy like this! You just don't know it!" He wouldn't look at Soubi.

Soubi frowned. "Ritsuka I'm not a recluse. I've met many people in my life."

'Damn, Soubi always has a smartass response.'

Soubi continued, "I've never wanted to love anyone but you, I couldn't. I like Ritsuka best. I'm not bound to you because you are my Sacrifice. I'm bound to you because I love you."

Ritsuka turned now. Soubi smiled at him softly with fear in his eyes.

"Do you not want me?" Soubi asked.

Ritsuka kissed him in response without a thought.


End file.
